Friday, September 09, 2005

sad?

I have this sad feeling. I don't know why.

I woke up this morning from TWU saying I got into their PT program. This should make me unbelievably happy. And it does.. I was so excited.

I went out to eat with T and my parents. It was great, I was feeling good. My parents bought me a cake. Looking back on that it makes me sad. Why? I can only think I don't feel worthy of such love and support. That thought alone makes me even more sad.

Get home and A Am and the neighbors are in the living room playing poker. I instantly get unhappy. I'm not quite sure why. Maybe I was hoping to have the apartment to myself with T. Ok, so that's explainable a little disapointment.

We leave to go rent a movie, I get more depressed by the minute. I don't want to watch anything. I'm just sad. Why?? The rest of the night- I just want to be alone. Been listening to sad music since T left in the dark. I cried. I don't know if this has anything to do w/ my acceptance. So many things are left hidden in your mind. It's hard to tell what's really going on.

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