Wednesday, September 14, 2005

new method

So I realized today that I only write obscure things in here. I only write when I am having issues to get them off my chest and I tend to neglect all the good things and everyday things that go on in my life. I guess I am worried about becoming recognizable perhaps.. but then, I dont really think anyone reads this anyway. So I am going to try to just document my days on top of all those obscure worries ect.

So today was an ok day I suppose. I could not fall asleep for the life of me last night. I didn't look at the clock because there was no point to it. I would just worry about how late it was getting and count in my head how many hours of sleep I could get if I fell asleep at that exact moment. I just know that when I woke up the next morning I was not happy. Groggy and grumpy would be an understatement! But I went to class- all went well.

I had my psychiatry appointment today as well. I really liked the guy. He was really in tuned with what was going on with me, the only thing I found odd was his preoccupation with my sexual activity and the fact that I had never had an orgasm. Geez. As if I already don't feel insecure enough about that to have to sit there and talk to a stranger who suggested I consult my OBGYN about it for at least 10 painfully awkward minutes. Did I have a vibrator? Did I masturbate? Jesus. I hardly like talking to my closest friends about that shit!! He also wants to DOUBLE my dosage of meds. I mean, I guess I'll give it a shot. I'm just worried about it.. getting off eventually and stuff. I mean what's the point of taking meds now? Eventually I'm going ot have to deal with this stuff without them, why not it be now? Too late I really started thinking about that on my walk back to my apartment so it was too late to consult the doc. Oh well. I'll give it a shot for now. He thinks I could be doing even better tha I am now, I'm gonna give it a go.

I took a quite delightful nap today. Didn't get ANYTHING accomplished, but you know, that's how the cookie crumbles. I desperately needed that nap. I had the weirdest dreams though. Sex/demons/poop. One disturbign thing (if the previous statement wasn't disturbing enough) is I was looking in the mirror in my dream. It was actually a window that I could see my reflection in and something was not right with me. I was like possessed.. evil.. mean looking. Why I wonder am I portraying myself like that in my reflection?

Watched Nip/Tuck again with A. I already watched those episodes.. guess I can't get enough!!

So N from the hospital wants to get together and go to a volleyball game. I want to go. I'm all up for making friends ect. but I'm worried T will have a problem with it. N knows perfectly well I have a long term relationship. I have been corresponding with him over email for about the past month and its a harmless public volleyball game. I know T will think he wants to get in my pants. He always thinks that about any guy I talk to for some reason. ANd I don't want to not tell him or lie about it. So I guess I just have to mention it and see how he takes it. He thinks people should not make friends of the opposite sex after you are in a committed relationship. I disagree. I shoudnt' be limited to the people I can befriend just because they happen to have a dick. That's gotta be some sort of discrimination. It bothers me, it really does.

But I love T. I'm sooo happy with him. It's incredible. Did I ever think I would find something like this? Nope. But I"m sure happy that I did!!

I guess I should do some reading or something so that I did not have a completely wasteful day.

So I think this was a much better entry. More rounded and more like who I actually am instead of complaints complaints and worries.


Blogger succesfull guy said...

Sprint employees blog on hurricane relief efforts
Telecom firms scramble to give storm aid BY Michael Hardy Published on Sep. 14, 2005 More Related Links Sprint Nextel employees have established Sprint City, a six-acre home for hurricane relief workers at the ...
Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!

I have a make money site. It pretty much covers make money related stuff.

Come and check it out if you get time :-)

7:20 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home