Sunday, June 12, 2005

I'm so upset right now. I just feel like the worst person ever. Not happy with myself at all. I hate myself. When I get like this, I always end up thinking about God. Maybe I feel like if there was a God then I could be forgiven and move on. But now, I'm just stuck with all the bad things I've done and that's it. I have done some things I really regret in the past. One time thing that eats away at me. Makes me sick to think about. I would do anything to be able to take it back. If I know how bad it was and if I regret it, is it ok then? Should I forgive myself and just realize we all do stupid things every now and then and move on. I can't. I try. I have forgotten all about it, until someone brings it up. And then I feel like shit and I cry like a friggin baby. Sometimes I just don't feel like I deserve to live, or deserve the things that I do have because I'm too bad of a person. And I know most of the time I do alright, but every now and then I slip up and do something shitty. I don't know how to mend it. Sometimes I feel like I need to get away from everyone andjust start over. I know I am being irrational.. I just don't know what to do. I feel sick.


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