Saturday, June 25, 2005


I don't want to grow old. I don't want to get to the point where I can't do anything for myself and I have to relay on everyone around me for my well being. I don't want to wear diapers and have to have people change them for me. I don't want to be too weak to walk on my own or have to take breaks every few seconds from physical activity in order to catch my breath. I don't want to be hooked up to Oxygen, or confined to a bed. I don't want to get old. Seeing all these older individuals at the hospital really makes you think. They are so helpless. But once, once they were just like I am now. Full of life, capable of doing things for themselves. Its just a scary thought. A glimpse into the future. The old woman's husband sat outside waiting for his wife's bedsheets to be change. He was old. He used a walker. He loved that woman inside, they had spent many good years together. And he waits for her because she cannot take care of herself anymore. Still in love regardless. Makes me sad and happy. Happy that they love each other, and he cares about her so much to spend his days with her. Sad that that is what there love has come to.

Then you get the happy ones. He must have been so old yet stil filled with a sense of humor. You could tell he was loved. Pictures and letters from what must have been grandchildren (and maybe even great grandchildren) covered the walls. He counted his exercises in three langauges. He skipped numbers on purpose and did some over multiple times. He was very nice and very optimistic. The hospital setting did not seem to crush his spirits at all. Uplifting. Maybe it doesn't have to be so bad after all.

Still afraid to be so old. Why do our bodies have to fail us?


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