Monday, June 13, 2005

heavy

I'm unhappy. Not depressed just unhappy. This sinking feeling is in my chest. I feel lonely, removed from the people I care about most. I feel like I have done something very wrong, but nothing comes to mind. I feel like I am becoming distant from T, and all my friends are slipping away. I need one person to see on a regular basis. I realize this now. I don't need a lot of friends, and if I don't see my friends for awhile its ok as long as I have contact with that one speical person. And I haven't seen T in so long. And now I have this horrible feeling inside that I cannot place. I think part of it may be how I've done him wrong in the past. It's a nagging feeling. But that was a long time ago, and I have gotten over it for the most part. It can't just be that. Maybe I'm worried we are going to grow apart. Maybe I just need someone to be with me. I need that consistant social contact. Somethings wrong. It rests heavy on me. I can feel it pressing down on me, but I can't make it go away because I can't place exactly what it is. I just feel I've failed as a person in general. I'm not who I want to be. When did this happen? Can I fix it? I need someone. I've never said that before. But I NEED someone.

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