Wednesday, June 15, 2005

change

The self is a process. You aren't always going to be the exact same person throughout your whole life. I can change. I can say.. "today is the first day I make a conscious effort to improve myself." And then accept the fact that I really can change and that I can become who I want to be. I'm not happy with who I have become. But I am going to change this. I am going to become more conscious of my actions, and I am going to make an effort to change the things I do not like. Why be unhappy my whole life because I am too stubborn to try to be a better person? Just doesn't seem very logical.

Sometimes I just wish I could be like "hold up! I want to erase the person I was the last 21 years and start all over. so just forget everything i ever did because it never happened." I want a clean slate. This is the closest I can get to a clean slate. Regret is a bitch. But, if I can be happy with who I am again maybe I can learn to forgive myself and move on. So here it is in writing, my solemn oath that I am going to make a conscious effort to change.

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