Saturday, June 04, 2005

Alone.

It's Saturday night and despite invitations to go out I'd just rather stay in. I'm too tired, and I hate driving downtown when I'm at home. Mainly because I have to drive back again.. M offered to let me sleep on his couch but we have another family thing tomorrow morning so I'd have to be back. Ah well. Perhaps I will get to bed early tonight. I enjoy staying in. Granted.. sometimes social contact is nice as well.

I feel like a hippo today. Why do girls get that way? You know, the "fat" phase. I know I'm not fat. But when I sit down I feel like I have a million rolls trying to escape my jeans. Oh yea, and since when did my ass get so big? I just down right unattractive. Maybe that is why I do not feel like hitting up any bars tonight. No one needs to be subjected to my large ass and uncontrollable rolls.

I feel a little odd about all this not wanting to go out stuff. 21 year olds want to go out don't they? They need social contact. They love going to bars, drinking, talking... why then would I rather stay in and watch a movie? I have never been downtown yet, but I think I would favor staying in with good friends and drinking at home. But maybe I could be missing something great.. who knows. I guess I will find out next weekend. A turns 21 and she is all excited about going downtown. So am I. With her. She's my best friend. She drives me crazy then makes up for it later.

She is selfish. But then she thinks of you enough to call you while she is in New Orleans just to say hey and see how things are going. Maybe its more she likes drama than being selfish. If I hadn't met her, who knows where I would be. But sometimes.. I just need to get away. But I miss her, and I will miss her so much when she moves to LA.

Been trying to feel things in the moment lately. No more of this thinking ahead indread business. Need to say right now you are ok, don't think about then, you'll be ok then too. That's my new mantra. God help me.

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