Saturday, May 14, 2005

Man oh man.

I am feeling the pressure mount now. I cannot believe how much material is gonna be covered on my physiology test. I am beginning to have my doubts that making an A is at all possible. I gave up in the middle of studying today and tried to calculate what I need to make in order to get an A. For a straight up A I need an 86 (damn near impossible). If she cuts off an A around an 87, I only need an 80 (much more possible). And I'm thinking there is going to be a slight curve since her class is so damn hard. How are we supposed to know every single detail about an entire semester of material?? Yes, I realize we should know this anyway.. that's the point of going to school to learn and remember... but I am just incredibly stressed about this. Espeically now I made an A (somehow.. I don't know) in my physics lab. (perhaps a damn miracle?) Now that 4.0 is so close I can taste it I don't want to lose it. Granted I could fail miserably and still make a B and the temptation to not study is so great.. I cannot do that to myself. I have to TRY. Why do I care so damn much about my stupid grades?? My therapist told me it was because I put too much of my self worth on my preformances. Well.. yes in fact I do. But yes, I do realize that if I didn't always make A's it would not be the end of the world nor would people be disapointed in me or think less of me. I say I do it for myself. If I CAN do it, why shouldn't I? And I CAN make an A its just a matter of how much I want to study.

Less than 12 hours and I will be 21. It is hard to believe. I feel really old. And I think buying alcohol is going to feel very strange and uncomfortable at first. I guess I will get ovr all that in one big step as I go and buy a keg on Monday. Tomorrow is lunch. I hope everyone comes. I hate expecting people to, then have them not show up. I guess I feel it reflects badly on me. I guess not though. It's just me.

I have to go the library in 30 minutes. I am dreading it. Seriously dreading it.

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