Saturday, May 21, 2005

I can't stop

I just want to eat. And eat alot. Maybe it's becuase I lived off bagels and pretzels for a week before I came home? I dunno. I am like eating constantly throughout the day and now that my parents are on this health kick, I am like getting no carbs here! And I like my carbs.

So today wasn't so bad. I went to church. Not by choice.. always go when I am home. They did the whole money speil again for the homily. I really hate that. I always seem to go when they do that, or maybe they just do it all the time. I am really not sure.

I really need to get a hobby. I have been sitting around the house the past couple of days. Doing nothing. I'm not bored but I feel like a lazy ass. Soon enough I suppose I'll be doing stuff again I suppose. Family is coming tomorrow. School starts Monday. (didn't it just end?) I have really no desire to do anything. Not even with my friends. This sounds terrible but the only person I miss is T. I wish he would call me, I haven't talked to him all day. It feels weird. I miss him. I think knowing he is out of the state makes it worse. I've gone days without seeing him before.. but never a night without saying goodnight. Maybe that is it.

I wish I could be better for him. Problem free. I will only weigh him down, maybe one day he'll realize that. I hope not.

I'm so jealous of all these people I see. people with families with normal lives. With evry day problems that are physical and that can be solved. I looked at all these people today in church and was just wondering if I'd ever be able to be like that. Happy, living, not always worrying, not always thinking about things. Being able to just live one day at a time. I just don't understand how people dont think about those things. Maybe you can learn not to.


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