I'm beginning to think I don't want other people to be happy. But not every one.. just certain people. Maybe. I don't know if that is really it, but it's just a speculation. What kind of sick person would I be if that were true though? It scares me a little bit.
Like the ex-bf talks to me about "hot girls numbers he gets" but I don't really care. In fact, I wonder WHY he tells me these things. I've been with T for over a year now. I am so far over him, I don't even know why we still talk. It's not like we have anything to say to each other. Unless he is dying to tell me about the new "hot girl". I really do not know. I never tell him about my love life, only when he asks. (which once again.. I don't know why he cares) Man, I wonder why I dated him. He is sooo not someone I would ever in a million years end up with. I guess I was still experimenting with what I want. And I found out what I don't want. Don't get me wrong he was a nice guy. But that was about it. Bad sense of humor.. not much in common.. I hate cars, he always talked about cars cars cars. The only thing I miss really is going out to sit and get coffee. T doesn't drink coffee. God, such a contrast T is. We have the exact same sense of humor. He is hilarious! So sweet, self suficient. I don't ALWAYS have to be with him, we can do our own things. You live, you learn.
The family comes tomorrow. This is good and bad. Good because I want to see them all! I am so excited. Bad only because I will not have any time to be alone. I need alone time, I'm sorry I am so antisocial but its true. Need time to think.. to just not have to talk or listen. Selfish? Maybe. But necessary. I love my family though. I'm so lucky to have such a great family.