Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Contemplative.

Why is it that if I eat something fatty I feel like I have gained 5 pounds? I just ate a tortino's pizza and now feel like I have expanded in a matter of hours. Do all girls do this? I'm thinking they do. Why do we have to be so damn insecure? Oh yea.. men. And the media. Thanks you bastards.

Life is going pretty well right now. Everything I have been stressing about the last couple of days is falling into place. Thank God. Still have a few things on my mind. It'll work out I'm sure.

I keep thinking forward till the weekend. I can't wait for family to come into town.

I like not having to be very social. I need a break from people. They are my best friends but I need some time for myself. You can call me selfish. But I feel like they are being selfish and I just want to get away from that for a little while. Granted I am not cutting such people out of my life, I am just spending less time with them. They get drunk too much. They are always always talking about themselves. I mean, yes we are friends and yes I want to hear about it but I need a break. I need a break from all their problems that never go away. Yes, I am so selfish but no if they needed me I would not turn them away. It just feels good to have a distance, to do my own thing. Sometimes I feel bad and wish I made different friends. Not new ones, but others that are different from the ones I have. Ones that don't get drunk as much, or who have no body image problems, who like good clean fun. But at the same time, I don't like having a lot of friends. I am one of those people who prefer to have a few good friends and spend time alone. I don't like having a lot of so-so friends. I prefer deeper relationships. And time by myself that might be interrupted if I had to distribute my time amongst more people. I just don't find it fun to go to a party with a bunch of people I don't know anymore. Those relationships are so superficial. I am glad I got involved with PTO. Although, I always feel like an odd ball. Is it me or is it true? I just want to make some friends with the other officers. Have a good time, support each other on our future careers. I will never give up the great friends I already have. I just need a little break.

1 Comments:

Blogger Mentally Challenged said...

"good friends"? Come on over to my place, click on my profile and see what is the first thing in my list of interests. And be sure to leave a comment somewhere that shows
that you were there, even if you never come back again.

7:03 AM  

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